|Ratner? You disgust me.
||[May. 29th, 2006|02:41 pm]
The Insensitive MC
So my favorite part in X-Men 3 was when Uma Thurman threw that great white shark directly at Luke Wilson through the window of some high rise building. That was so awesome.
Oh wait, that was a trailer for some other dumb movie. Okay. My favorite part in X-Men 3 was when ***SPOILER ALERT*** Dr. X like, explodes, and one of his rich mutant students has this totally fantastic conversation with some guy that shoots ice from his hand:
Bitch: *weepy* I miss him
Dude: We all do. I understand.
Bitch: *weepy weepy weeps*
Bitch: ...I dunno. I guess I just miss snow.
Cut to the two of them ice skating for 46 minutes while Anna Paquin glares at them with extreme jealousy through a window. The fuck? Dude! Prof. X like, exploded! EX-PLO-DED HELLO NOT A TIME FOR ICE SKATING AND/OR JEALOUSY.
No wait wait wait, 'nother part. Famke Janssen is all resurrected and wicked hot as usual except her hair is all long and she is in an inexplicable pair of black undies which is way hotter and Wolverine is like, nice tits because he's been staring at them forever. And because she's now The Phoenix she is totally horny and starts making out with him and grabs his mutant balls and he has a full erection and then just as mutant vaginas are about to be exposed he's all, "No. I can't. The Professor wouldn't approve". WHAT. What have you done with Wolverine, nueter him? You did, Professor, didn't you. Good. I'm glad you exploded. I miss snow too, fuck you.
Oh, oh, okay. I have one more favorite part. Magneto and his rag tag group of mutant cronies storm Alcatraz by ripping the entire Golden Gate Bridge off of its hinges and then they float the massive thing over and it literally takes an hour and a half. Like, couldn't you guys have floated over in some trollies or whatever? I dunno. Anyway. A bunch of random mutant dudes go storming into the guards and Ian McNeto is like, "send the pawns first". And then literally 14 seconds later McNeto is all "send the pawns first" and I'm all, where did I hear that before oh right, from Magneto. 14 seconds ago. Laziest editor, EVER.
I'm sorry. I'm kind of a nerd. I really dug the previous installments. But # 3 was such a fucking mess I can't even wrap my head around it. Then again, Brett Ratner. Who is banging Lindsay Lohan. 'Nuff. Said. Bryan Singer right now is like *siiiiiigh*.