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The Insensitive MC

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Ratner? You disgust me. [May. 29th, 2006|02:41 pm]
The Insensitive MC
[Current Mood |disappointeddisappointed]

So my favorite part in X-Men 3 was when Uma Thurman threw that great white shark directly at Luke Wilson through the window of some high rise building. That was so awesome.

Oh wait, that was a trailer for some other dumb movie. Okay. My favorite part in X-Men 3 was when ***SPOILER ALERT*** Dr. X like, explodes, and one of his rich mutant students has this totally fantastic conversation with some guy that shoots ice from his hand:

Bitch: *weepy* I miss him
Dude: We all do. I understand.
Bitch: *weepy weepy weeps*
Dude: ...
Bitch: ...I dunno. I guess I just miss snow.

Cut to the two of them ice skating for 46 minutes while Anna Paquin glares at them with extreme jealousy through a window. The fuck? Dude! Prof. X like, exploded! EX-PLO-DED HELLO NOT A TIME FOR ICE SKATING AND/OR JEALOUSY.

No wait wait wait, 'nother part. Famke Janssen is all resurrected and wicked hot as usual except her hair is all long and she is in an inexplicable pair of black undies which is way hotter and Wolverine is like, nice tits because he's been staring at them forever. And because she's now The Phoenix she is totally horny and starts making out with him and grabs his mutant balls and he has a full erection and then just as mutant vaginas are about to be exposed he's all, "No. I can't. The Professor wouldn't approve". WHAT. What have you done with Wolverine, nueter him? You did, Professor, didn't you. Good. I'm glad you exploded. I miss snow too, fuck you.

Oh, oh, okay. I have one more favorite part. Magneto and his rag tag group of mutant cronies storm Alcatraz by ripping the entire Golden Gate Bridge off of its hinges and then they float the massive thing over and it literally takes an hour and a half. Like, couldn't you guys have floated over in some trollies or whatever? I dunno. Anyway. A bunch of random mutant dudes go storming into the guards and Ian McNeto is like, "send the pawns first". And then literally 14 seconds later McNeto is all "send the pawns first" and I'm all, where did I hear that before oh right, from Magneto. 14 seconds ago. Laziest editor, EVER.

I'm sorry. I'm kind of a nerd. I really dug the previous installments. But # 3 was such a fucking mess I can't even wrap my head around it. Then again, Brett Ratner. Who is banging Lindsay Lohan. 'Nuff. Said. Bryan Singer right now is like *siiiiiigh*.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: finkeljautobahn
2006-05-29 10:04 pm (UTC)
you are on crack. that movie was bliss.
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[User Picture]From: brakmobile
2006-05-29 10:11 pm (UTC)
YES, ALERT THE ACADEMY.
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[User Picture]From: finkeljautobahn
2006-05-29 10:20 pm (UTC)
not academy-award worthy, but think of it as the last comic in a storyline where everything needs to come to a head and everyone gets their battle on. that's what this movie is.

i admit, though, that it needed to be about 30 minutes longer and needed more collosus.
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